I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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