Home Page - Subconscious Quotes

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

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